A group of chess
enthusiasts
had checked into a hotel,
and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament
victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them
to disperse.
"But why?" they
asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open
foyer."
In a park people come across a man playing chess against a dog.
They are astonished and say, "What a clever dog!" But the man protests,
"No, no,
he isn't that clever. I'm leading by three games to one!"
A passed pawn comes home from work one day driving a fancy new car.
His wife is astonished and says "Honey, I don't think
we can afford this nice new car on your salary."
The passed pawn says, "Relax, I'm about to get promoted!"
Two chess players are playing a correspondence game. White lives at the
South Pole. Black lives at the North Pole. The postal service is rather
slow
and play proceeds at the rate of one move per year. After 15 years of
play,
white makes a daring queen sacrifice, the consequences of which are by
no means clear. A year later, as he sees the postman returning, he is
very excited. He thinks "Will black take my queen ?", "Is the sacrifice
sound ?" He tears open the reply and sees "Jadoube."
My computer beat me at chess.
Unfortunately my computer is not as good at kickboxing.
I think my computer will have to forfeit the tiebreak round.
I pawned all of my chess sets!
Q: How many squares are there on a chess board?
A: Two, plus the spectators.
TOP TEN Moments when you should sense danger in chess:
10. There has been a change in the pawn structure;
your opponent has 8 and you don’t have any.
9. Your opponent begins to throw pawns at your eyes.
8. You have a position won, but your opponent has a gun.
7. The Director tells you not to bother turning in your score sheet
after the game.
6. Before the game begins you notice your opponent’s first
initials are GM.
5. After completing your development you sense your opponent is playing
the endgame.
4. Just as you make your opening move your opponent announces mate in
11.
3. You don’t control any squares at all.
2. Your draw offer sends all the people watching your game into
uncontrollable laughter.
1. Your opponent has three bishops.
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